Yup, I get the mean mom award. I canceled Ethan's birthday party. I did it last year to Kiersten and I threatened Ethan with it this year and I don't think he really thought I would do it again. But I did.
I have been trying to get Ethan to clean his room for two months, yes I typed that correctly, TWO MONTHS! Y'all might have judgements for that one alone, but oh well! Story for another time.
ANYWAY..........
He has refused to clean it. He will pick up dirty clothes and thats about it. He just sits in there and plays Lego's or he reads. I LOVE that he loves to read but his room desperately needs cleaning! When you can't get into the bedroom, or can hardly open the door, you know its bad! Him and Pierce share a room so I have Pierce go in and pick his toys and for a four year old (as of today), he does a pretty good job. Ethan just won't do it, he will not clean up any of his stuff.
I try making games of it, I try helping him, I will ask him to only do small sections each day rather than the entire room. I bribe him! I offer computer time, friends, ice cream, even toys and money when I am desperate and still nothing.
I told him Friday evening that he had an hour to get his room clean or I was going to cancel his party. That freaked him out and he actually really started cleaning. He didn't finish but he had made good progress so I was willing to let him continue on Saturday. Come Saturday morning he was refusing to clean his room again and every time I went to check on him he was playing or reading or just laying on his bed. I sat down and had a serious talk with him about canceling his party and cake if he didn't get his room cleaned up. He was upset and mad at me after this talk but he went, crying, back to his room to clean.
Right after he walks into his room I hear this "smack" and Pierce starts screaming. Pierce was just sitting on his bed minding his own business playing with his Mickey Mouse stuffed animal and Ethan walked in and thought it was a good idea to slap him in the head for NO reason.
Party canceled! I can deal and compromise with a messy room, but smacking your baby brother for no reason at all not cool dude!
I understand that kids, especially siblings, fight and will hit, I am not ignorant to that, I have four brothers, I know how to throw a punch myself. I am all for defending yourself IF NEED BE, but I always advocate using and exhausting non violent methods to resolve problems and issues first. I try very hard to teach my kids that hitting is bad and that you just don't do it. I have given many a time out and grounding for hitting, even if they were provoked. I am understanding that siblings can really get under your skin and make you want to punch them in the face, trust me, I know! Sometimes you lose it, I get it. But this time, there was NO reason what so ever for him to do it. I was so shocked that he would just walk in there and slap him. I didn't even know what to say except party canceled. That was it and I walked out of the bedroom.
I can handle messes and a dirty house and I am usually very forgiving on my threats when it comes to those things, (I know, I am weak). However, when it comes to disrespect of me, their dad, or their siblings, I have no tolerance. Thats why Kiersten lost her birthday party last summer. She threw a fit about the "boring" party I was going to throw her because I wouldn't do one thing she wanted. That was it, I chucked the invitations I was filling out on the floor and said you're done, party canceled.
Messes is kind of a mom thing, we clean up most of them and we need to teach our kids how to be responsible for their messes and help them learn the best way for them to get their chores and messes taken care of. The threats I throw out are usually out of desperation because I am trying to do and juggle eight million other things at the time and I don't have the time right then to stop and help them (that's right, I am not a perfect mom!). Most of the time I come around and realize it was a bit much to ask of them and they need a little help or guidance in getting the job done. Once I take the time to give them that, things go a little smoother.
When it comes to disrespect, I have a zero tolerance policy on that. One strike, you're out! That is also my job, to teach my children to respect and be tolerant of others, even if they think someone doesn't deserve it. I usually feel guilty when I say you can't have this until this chore is done, but as soon as the disrespect comes into play, all that guilt is gone and this momma says oh heck no!
So yes, I am the meanest mom for teaching my kid a lesson, unfortunately a hard one, and canceling his birthday party. I know moms all have their different opinions and ideas on how to teach and raise their children and one of my opinions is that I am their mom, their teacher, a guide, help, and comfort, not their friend. I am not there to look the other way, laugh it off, or just say thats just who they are, they will grow out of it. I am here to teach these little ones how to survive in the real world being the best person they can be. Once they are adults, we can be friends. Until then, what I say goes, it may suck, but that's how its gonna work in this house.
Is my opinion always right, is how I parent always the right way, are all the choices I make always right? Nope, I am 100% sure of that. You know what though, I am doing the best I know how. I am teaching and loving my children the very best way I know how and I try to follow my gut and go with those instincts and they seem to lead me in a pretty good direction. I pray for my children everyday, and I pray even harder for myself, to know how to raise my children and do and say what will help each child learn and grow and help them become the best adults they can be under my guidance.
As a mom I try very hard to teach my kiddos and help them learn, I don't do things just to be mean and I certainly didn't cancel his party just to be mean, I actually feel kind of bad that he doesn't get a party, but I don't feel guilty for it. I love my children with all my heart and would do anything I could to help them. In this case I thought he needed to learn a lesson in actions and consequences so poor dude doesn't get his Star Wars party. Maybe next year bud!
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