I started this blog almost exactly a year ago. I was pretty upset about having moved to Utah, I was extremely bitter, I wanted nothing do with Zac for making the move, and I was in a downward spiral. And thats pretty much how I feel now. We have moved again, yep. But this time at least it was still within the same state. Unfortunately it was moving in with my in-laws. Now anyone that knows me will know how excited I am about that.
The reason we moved was because we have to much debt, Zac lost all the overtime he was getting and therefore we could no longer afford rent. Now we are paying $750 dollars less than we were paying and we are able to make larger payments on our debt. But the fact of the matter is, we moved and we moved in with my in-laws.
I feel so alone right now. Most of my family is back in Oregon, we just moved 25 minutes south of my brother and sister-in-law and she was pretty much the only friend that I had. I have no car so I can't go anywhere and there is no way I am walking anywhere being 7 months pregnant. I made a few acquaintances while living in Salt Lake City but I think for the most part I tried to avoid it because I knew the day would come that we would move again and I am sick of making friends that have no interest in keeping in touch after I move. Goodness even the friends that I have had for years have no interest in keeping in touch.
I feel stuck right now. No one really knows what I am going through and everyone keeps offering suggestions but honestly we have dug ourselves in so deep that we don't have any other options and I think that makes me even more upset. I hate that it has come to this but I have no one to blame but myself and Zac.
I want to move back to Portland so bad but at the same time Zac has a stable job here that he currently is no jeopardy of loosing. And in this economy that isn't something that you just give up. No he isn't making a lot of money and there are no signs of him getting a raise anytime soon, and the benefits suck but still he is employed.
So now we are stuck living in a basement bedroom, a big bedroom, but still me, Zac, Squishy Girl and soon Baby Boy are all living in one room. That sucks so bad. I don't ever want to go upstairs because that is where my in-laws reside and I don't want to hear anymore about how my mother-in-law isn't prepared for the second coming because she doesn't have a tool to clean her clothes with. The basement full of food and emergency supplies just isn't enough apparently. Her entire life revolves around the second coming and being prepared with everything! I can't stand it! And my father-in-law thinks everything is joke when it's not and thinks everything is serious when it's a joke. Do you have any idea how annoying that is? I can't be myself around Zac's parents because I feel like I am being crude or something. I don't know if stupid is even allowed, I am going to go with no just to be on the safe side.
I am depressed and everyone that I talk to already knows how much I dislike my in-laws, my living situation, and the fact that we moved, AGAIN!!!! So there is no more talking to people about how much my life sucks right now. I hate it and there isn't anything I can do to make things better faster because I am a stay at home mom and I am not going to leave my children in daycare.
I just need to face the fact that Zac and I together have messed our lives and now we get to deal with the consequences of it. Yeah for screwing up your life!
